"Of a Good Courage"

A wise friend once observed that what makes the Old Testament so great is that it shares the stories of imperfect people and their interactions with God. One summer three years ago I had the chance to thoroughly study the bible. As I read, I found my friend was right. I was drawn to the people in the Old Testament. So much of the details of their lives are unknown but I liked to imagine how they would feel or what they thought or what parts of the conversation we don't know. I could see myself in their struggles, I empathized with their challenges, sorrowed in their trials, and rejoiced in their triumphs.

On my mind recently is Joshua. Joshua had the honor of following Moses as the leader of Israel. I say "honor" a little facetiously because I can only imagine that calling to be the most daunting task in all of scripture-dom. I mean, let's think about this--Moses. MOSES--the man who saw God face to face, the former prince of the most powerful earthly kingdom of the time, and the man through whom God sent the 10 plagues. He led an exodus from Egypt--nay the Exodus. He led the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground. The law of Moses for thousands of years directed the religious practices of God's people, fulfilled only by the new covenant brought by Jesus Christ himself. The ten commandments, the tabernacle, and manna from heaven are all linked to Moses.

Enter Joshua. He is called to follow in Moses' footsteps. Those are some serious sandals to fill. I think if I was Joshua, I would feel nauseous and probably pee my pants--er...man dress..at the same time. I would feel terrified, intimidated, and so unqualified. In reality, these are totally my projections on Joshua. He really might not have felt any of those things. He was doubtless a hundred times more faithful than I am on my best day. But I still imagine that it would be easy to feel like I could NEVER be good enough and would never be able to measure up to my predecessor.

This is a lot of what I feel right now. I feel underqualified, afraid, and wracked with self-doubt on a daily basis. I am really good at comparing my faults and "opportunities for improvement" with other people's highlight reels. It's not good for my self-esteem or confidence in any way but welcome to my life. I hate the unknown. I hate not having the answers. I want to know what I need to know and I want to know now. I want to have certain skills and talents...and I want them now. I don't want to wait for them to come with experience and time because that means I have to experience the discomfort and pain of messing up. I will have to go through a lot of failure. Brene Brown calls this vulnerability. I'm not so good at embracing and accepting vulnerability.

When Joshua is called to be a prophet, he is told four times to be strong and courageous. Courage is the answer to vulnerability. It takes courage to wake up every morning and face the unknown. It takes courage to trust God when he says "as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee" (Joshua 1:5). Courage is accepting a work that we feel unqualified for and trusting that God will help us figure it out. Courage is accepting our imperfection rather than ignoring it. Courage is waking up every day and sitting through the unknown. Courage is trying...and failing...and trying again. Courage is having patience to be on the journey rather than focusing on the destination.

Courage is leading people to the river Jordan when God promises to let them pass through on dry ground. The children of Israel did not wait for the water to divide before they started. The priests entered the water first, trusting that God would divide the water so they could cross. It is only after they entered the water that their faith was rewarded.

Sometimes I find myself at the bank of the water waiting for it to divide first rather than wading in. Or when I take a tentative step, I panic if the waters don't immediately divide. I feel afraid and jump back to the shore. I wonder where God is and why he isn't following through. I wonder if I am even on the right shore. Is this even the right river? Maybe I read my MapQuest directions wrong or made a typo. What is the big deal about this river anyways? Why am I here again? Hello? Is anyone even there? Is my signal dead? Can you hear me now?

But, doubting God's hand in our lives is not the answer.  I think that we have to be okay moving forward into deeper water. We keep walking until our feet can't touch. We may feel like we are drowning before He steps in. And I think before he divides the water, he may even ask us to learn to swim--then swim for a while. We might have to swim until our muscles are exhausted. We might be in that river days, months, or even years. Faith is trusting that there is something about the experience, the time, and the struggle that will be for our good. Our courage will be tested before we witness miracles.

When God says, "have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest," can we say "All that thou commandest us we will do, and withersoever thou sendest us, we will go." Do we trust that "tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among [us]" (Joshua 1:9, 16; 3:5)

Joshua faced many situations that looked impossible. There were so many times when he could have given up. Instead, he heeded the counsel to be courageous. And God was with him.  He led the children of Israel out of the wilderness into the promised land, conquered many enemies, and even brought down the formidable walls of Jericho. Courage doesn't just happen. It comes through facing our fears over and over and over again. It comes through replacing fear with faith. It comes when we can accept that there will be pain and suffering in life. We will experience failure. We will hurt others and we will be hurt. Our patience will be tested. But we don't have to go through it alone. We have "angels round about us" to bear us up. As we turn to Heavenly Father and our Savior, we can be strengthened to bear our burdens. And through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can eventually be healed and made whole. We are promised that one day he will wipe away all of our tears.

In the words of C.S. Lewis: “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself" (Mere Christianity)

Right now, life is hard and sometimes our biggest stumbling block is ourselves. Be strong and of a good courage. Remember that "what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him" (Uchtdorf, "You Matter to Him").